10 THINGS: I Wish My Professors, my Employer (and my High School Teachers) Knew About Me

1. I’m not as uninterested as I seem. As a matter of fact, most of the time I am extremely interested and intrigued. (If I can make it to class/work.) There several moments in class where my chest beats with excitement and I am so immersed in what were learning. I am not even exaggerating.
2. I am not as stupid or dumb as my grades and GPA reflects.
3. I’m not as lazy as my attention span, grades, and GPA reflects. Really, I’ve tried to do the assignments (if I didn’t forget about them), but most of the time I get so much of a headache because my mind will not focus on it. I start to feel a pang of guilt and anxiety. I cope by letting the deadline pass and just accepting the fact that I’ll probably fail. I just tell myself to stop being lazy.
4. I am so detailed oriented that I get lose sight of the big picture. I do really well in some components of my work, and fall short in others because I only hyper focus in one area while neglecting another.
5. You are doing such amazing work and I admire you so much for it.
6. I feel bad for the days I miss. I always regret not going.
7. Now a days, I try to be a quiet as possible and not be noticed. But I am pretty opinionated. I have a lot of ideas and intellectual value to add to a conversation. I would love to partake in the open discussion, but there are just a lot of elements holding back. Plus, I don’t want to be noticed while I’m there so you don’t notice when I’m not there.
8. I don’t plan to skip. There are days that it is hard to mentally get out of bed and function.
9. I work well medicated. But I feel like a lifeless soul consumed by work and chores when I am. More times than not I choose not to be medicated. Though, these days I am strongly reconsidering. Life becomes such a chaotic mess without it. I might not have my personality, but at least things get done
10. I really, truly want to do well. But I don’t. I wish my work and output reflected my true mind. I just wish I could organize it so you could see what I truly have to offer.

I didn’t write this list to excuse myself from doing what I need to do or the expect anyone to be easier on me. In reality, I can’t have a doctor write an excuse note telling my boss I couldn’t complete my job because of my ADHD. What kind of boss would deal with that? They could just find someone more capable.

I’m just writing this because I feel bad. For those who can relate, I’ve spent my entire school career-as far as I can remember (since kindergarten)- feeling anxiety and guilt-ridden. A lot of my professors were excellent professors and I’ve thoroughly enjoyed their enthusiasm. I hate that I am wasting someone else’s energy and effort. I feel like I’m the type that would dishearten a professor. The world needs more professors like my professors this semester. I can really see the disappointment in my professors when we seems uninterested, but they still push through with positivity. It’s so admirable and they still care enough to work with us.