…to what could have been my [Heart And Soul]

“I’m sorry that I couldn’t get to you
Anywhere, I would’ve followed you
Say something, I’m giving up on you 
And I will swallow my pride
You’re the one that I love
And I’m saying goodbye”

Now every song that comes on shuffle is about you.
I wake up glancing at my phone to see if I received anything from you.
I put myself out there and if you’re not ready or aren’t interested—
Just know it’s okay.
For that brief moment we spent our time together, I just wanted you to know this:

I always measured how well another fits in my life by how well our hands fit together.
I just never fit quite right in anyone’s hands.
My hands were always too big, much like my personality.
But in yours-I almost fit.
And, boy, did it scare me.
My palms would get sweaty and I’d pull back.

I’d be struck by lightning if I said you were perfect.
Logically, I didn’t want to love you.
You were broken, unaccountable, confused, and irresponsible.
I was and still am the same.
But I believe we were meant to touch lives.
For that brief moment, you healed me and made me feel something I never thought I could feel.

Love doesn’t have to be forever.
It isn’t limited to being the perfect person at the perfect time.
But for that time in my life, you were perfect.
Quite frankly, you don’t get to choose who sparks your soul.
Sometimes everything is fucked up and life becomes so dark.
Then out of nowhere, someone lights your life back up again.
Sometimes it’s good for that moment and that’s enough.
Really, you only need one flicker of a match to light one candle and that one candle can light the others.
That one flicker can illuminate a room.

I knew we were doomed before we started.
I went to you anyways.
In that instance everything felt like the movies.
From that moment on, you unknowingly inspired me to do better and be better.
Your biggest gift to me was being. Just… being.

And I just want you to know you didn’t have to be anything you weren’t.
I stupidly, helplessly, but truly loved you the way you were.
I was grateful that you existed and even more grateful I could be in the same space as you.
I didn’t need anything else.
I wanted to let your anxious soul know that it is possible for someone to love you as broken as you are.
Everyone deserves to know they are and capable of being loved unconditionally.
For a brief moment in my lifetime, I got to experience an unexplainable affection for someone.
We were doomed from the beginning, but I am grateful to experience a love like this. Just to even know it could possibly exist.

I loved you too hastily, illogically, and blindly.
And I won’t stay.
I’ll love you unapologetically and I’ll move on.
Hopefully, one day I can find a love like this with the perfect person at the perfect time.
But for now, this love has more than sufficed.

Thank you for existing.

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…to what could have been my [Heart And Soul]