I’m ashamed to say this but I still miss him. And I figured out why.
When I met him, I was at a stage of my life where I felt exactly as I do now. I’m lonely, slightly depressed, and unable to eat. I was at a really low point when it came to emotional health. I was drinking a lot and my only relief was the gym. I was never eating and working out 2-3 hours and day, 6 days a week. I lost a lot of weight from depression. Then he came in my life. He was a shitty BF emotionally since the beginning, but I wanted him to love me. He filled a void that I had. When we started dating I was able to eat again and started to gain a lot of weight. While being with him I was unhappy a lot but when I was happy I was really happy. I don’t know. I feel physically cold inside. This is how I felt before we met. His body was warm and I felt like it warmed my soul. I just need to learn to warm my own soul rather than seek happiness from a significant other. That’s my problem.