I have crippling anxiety now. I’m not sure what happened to me, but this is not good. It’s really affecting our relationship.

Reading over our break up post from last year brought back intense feelings. It didn’t really intensify my anxiety, but rather reminded me why I have it.

If I don’t work it out with myself, It’ll never work out. Not with him or anyone.

Really, I think I have a fear of being left.

Our parents left us to our aunt and uncle while they started up their business. They were good people. I just wanted to be with my parents so bad. I still remember the EXACT feeling I felt when my dad would visit us in North Carolina and when his visit was over. How he would kiss us and tell us bye while we were “asleep”. He would be gone in the morning. I just remember balling my eyes out until I feel asleep.

I don’t know what I feared. Maybe he wasn’t coming back for us? He did, but I guess that anxiety stuck.

What sad is I’m doing the same to my son. His dad is doing it too. Maybe I needed this. To reevaluate motherhood. I have neglected that role.

Wow, in 10 minutes this post really took a turn.



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